i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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