If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
