so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
