My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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