why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize