someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
