my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
