if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
