In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
