Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
