im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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