Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
