Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
