So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize