Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
