im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
