Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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