Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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