This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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