i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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