Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize