I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
