You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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