If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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