the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize