hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
