I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
