Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
