Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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