just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
