We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
