??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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