I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
