Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
