david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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