Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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