I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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