I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
