More tranny stories later!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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