They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
