It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
