then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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