he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
