I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
