porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Mom said you looked used
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
