so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
