when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize