My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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