i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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