His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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