There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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