I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
