i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
