She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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