Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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