How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
