I have demons in me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
