whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
