I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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