So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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