left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
