when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize