May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
