He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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