We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
