he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize