you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
