if you like me you must not know who I am
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
