Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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