There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
