babies were throwing up all over the place
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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