Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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