Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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