so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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