Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
