white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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