Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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