I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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