a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
