They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize