It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
