my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
