With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
