just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
