It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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