I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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