Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your cock deserves a montage
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
