I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize