Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
time to smoke my breakfast
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
