He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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